her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
