At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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