i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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