I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
