Do you still have your period?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
