found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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