Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
