Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
