Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
