you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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