So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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