weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
