I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think my moral compass just broke
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
