riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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