Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
