Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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