I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
