the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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