I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
