I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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