U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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