Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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