She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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