I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
