people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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