Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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