i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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