Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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