i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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