I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
