omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
