she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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