Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Enjoy the penises
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
