On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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