I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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