hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
