Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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