Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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