Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
