i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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