on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
