I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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