i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
