Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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