there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
