Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
