We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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