He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize