Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
