sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
