My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am naked and annoyed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
