I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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