Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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