Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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