i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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