Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
