Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
