Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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