On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
