I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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