My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
